All I need...

I have talked about, eluded to and processed about how I have conflict with some people in my family. I had another major confrontation with my sister today. It is maddening when someone who is supposed to know you, proves that they not only do not know you at all but has no desire to ever really "know" you. I was going to blog about that tonight, but thats ALL im going to say about it.
I recently saw a documentary called "The Secret" ..gave me chills. Basically in a nut shell, it was about how everything we do say and think shape our lives. If we dwell on negativity and focus on all the things we dont have..the universe gives all that back to us, to deal with over and over. If we want something in our lives, we thank the universe for it as if we already have it. Okay, so yes, I am aware that it sounds a little hokey...but think about it like this:
Our entire society is structured about FIGHTING things. We fight hunger, AIDS, homelessness,  cancer, war..ect. So even if we go to an anti war rally, we are in fact, still putting the idea of war out to the universe. Instead of attending an anti war event, attend a pro peace event. The shift might seem subtle, but if you think about it, its huge. Think about all the things yu could take different approaches on. If you havent seen the movie OMG please go FIND IT!
There are two things that Im doing, one is i went and found a gratitude rock. A small rock that , as soon as I saw it, caught my eye. It was beside my brothers headstone. I carry it to remind me to be grateful for all I have and all that I WILL have.
The other is a visual board. I found images of things that I am striving for and I put a collage together, so its in a place in my home where I SEE it every morning, reminding me of what I'm getting out of bed for each day. It helps more that I knew..its SO so easy, even tempting, to get caught up in whats wrong..whats unjust, as a gay man, I have a plethora of things I could go postal on..lol..but why? Is that really the example I want to be for my children? Is that really how I want to feel ..everyday, angry, and bitter? NO..Im convinced , now more than ever, that thats how so many people get and stay sick with cancer and other illnesses..by polluting our bodies and our minds..its all connected and pretending that they are all seperate entities, is just wrong. It doesnt make sense.
Rhea, our surrogate, is the person who turned me on to this movie, stephen got it for me for valentines day.
So Id like to say here and now that I am SO gratefull for my boys, for Rhea, for facebook friends like Mickey Losey, whom Ive never met, sent me a HUGE box with ALL the equipment Ill need for my darkroom, I want to have soon. I just mentioned it to her in passing , and she just happend to have ALL the equipment in her attic and wated to get rid of it before she moved, so she sent it to me ..at no cost ,and asked nothing for it, just that someone use it..someone who i havent even met.
My son, Esequiel, told me the other day ..(he's also making a visual board) "Dad, you know what Im grateful for? Im grateful you adopted me. It may not be a perfect family, but at least I have one now" When he says things like that, how in the world can I focus on whats not right with my extended family..he deserves NOTHING less than to be told that he is loved more than words can say, that he is the smartest, most adorable child, and that I am so honored to be his Dad. Anything else is secondary.
Then there is Rhea, tonight she was saying that she was wondering how we would feel  about getting together once a month after she gets pregnant, so we can experience  all that we can, so we can feel the baby move, talk to him/her so he/she hears our voices, and be a part of the ENTIRE process. She said she doesnt want us to miss out on anything. ..and she was wondering if we would be WILLING to get together once a month for this! Of course my response was : Rhea, just when I think you couldnt be anymore sweet or generous, you go and say something like this.
My Dr. called today that my sperm count is really good, so everything looks really good for insemination in May!  Theres a good chance we could get pregnant first time!!

I am SO VERY  blessed. I have beautiful wonderful people in my life. Granted , they are not the ones I expected, and its easy to get caught up in that, but why??
All I have to do is look around and see that I have all I need right here, anything else is just icing on the cake
Thank you..all of you
xoxo