I was driving the boys to school yesterday morning about 7:30am, and was getting ready to drive to work shortly thereafter.
Walking the boys to their classrooms, I get a text from Rhea saying "Lets make a baby"! The long and short of it is that she ovulated early so we had to make arrangements for the kids, stephen had to drive an hour and a half *back* from work were he had just arrived and hop in the car and make a 9 hour drive to inseminate lol
about an hour from the house I realized that I was really nervous!! LOL. Im not sure about what. ,,it wasnt about having a baby, it wasnt about "performing"..I guess it was just the "mechanical aspect of it all that was a little nerve wracking, so I suppose it was a little about the performance part of it.
When I wet to the hospuatl about a month ago to get my sperm count done, it was a little weird , handing my "sample" to this lady who could have been my mother, behind that desk, but handing my "sample" ( i hate that word lol) to my freiend..with her kids and our kids running around in the next room..well thats just weird LOL..but all went very well and now we wait :)
We brought the toddlers and left the older kids at home for two days ( they are teenagers; they'll be fine )..Marcus kept asking where we were going. The answer I could give him was: "Going to see our friend Rhea ..it'll be like a really big field trip:)"
We had never met her 5 boys before..ALL under the age of 9! lol. THAT was a hoot! Our kids had SO much fun playing and playing and playing...lol They all crashed around midnight..and even then the giggles, trips to the bathroom and talking and taddling continued for quite sometimes as the residual energy slowly left their little bodies; allowing them to get the sleep they were fighting with every fiber of their beings LOL
This morning (the day after) we inseminated again, just for good measure lol, and we will start the fun fun fun process of waiting! (*insert sarcastic icon here*) Coming from someone who is actually trying to conceive, it seems bizarre to me that thousands of teenagers accomplish this every year with some Bud lite in the back seat of a car, while others try so hard by planning and calculating! lol
Please do a little fertility dance for us :) and keep us in your thoughts.
There is no one on earth who could love a child more than this one will be loved
xo
Donny
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
One of the most important lessons
I have an old friend that I was in the Navy with years ago. he lives in Hawaii and is my age and has 2 little girls and a wife.
He has been fighting Leukemia for a while now. He recently received a bone marrow transplant. During the process, his immune system was weakened, he developed pneumonia and ultimately, the cancer came back.
As of yesterday Dr.'s have given up and planned to take him off life support. As the nurses were repositioning his body to begin the process, he held his hand up telling them to stop.
His wife has been posting on facebook, and that was her last post yesterday, so thats all I know but it as of this moment.
It got me to thinking...
The idea of Sean dying felt like a punch in the gut. Being the same age and all just made it scary. Sean is still hanging on , and regardless of how this ends I admire his strength more than he will ever know.
I was thinking last night , about how Sean always had this infectious smile and laugh. I t was unmistakable:)..so as I sat there thinking about it, the tears came and came. My sons asked what was wrong, so I explained it to them. Esequiel struggled trying to figure out a way to make my pain go away. I explained that "offering condolences" to those we love is not about making their pain go away, but rather acknowledging their pain, and offering support BECAUSE of that pain..nothing takes it away, we just all huddle together, emotional, sometimes physically, till it hurts a little less, and less and less. Somedays it hurts more, and when those days come, we get a little closer than we were yesterday.
Then today , I saw on facebook that a friend that I went to high school with lost her Dad. I am going to be going the viewing tomorrow to support my friend.
Ive decided to take my son with me. He's never been to anything like this. Some people want to protect their children from death and the rituals we have of death. but what a horrible thing to do!..
Death is one of the things that we ALL deal with at some point, and I dont want Esequiel to have the first funeral he goes to be someone he really loves. because he didnt have any kind of healthy family life before us, he missed out on important social things..common rituals, like weddings and funerals.
The loss of someone we love can be so traumatic..so painful. The fear of seeing a body in a casket, for example, can be really scary.
Part of my focus in my graduate studies is child therapy and more specifically, childhood grief. I believe strongly that children should be included in conversations about death rather than being ushered out of the room when things get too real. Children can be very confused when adults use phrases like " passed away" or "gone to see Jesus". Children are very literal in their thinking, and as parents, I think, we have a desire to protect them. I also think, by doing so , we can deny our children some very important life lessons.
Talk to your children about death when the dog or goldfish die. Let them have funerals for their pets and most of all, allow them to cry and feel sad about the loss..yes, even the boys.
We can include conversations about our faith, whatever that may be, but it shouldn't over shadow or cancel out the mechanics of what is happening either.
Talk to your kids about death. It may not be the most pleasant thing to do , but there's no more important lesson we can teach them
He has been fighting Leukemia for a while now. He recently received a bone marrow transplant. During the process, his immune system was weakened, he developed pneumonia and ultimately, the cancer came back.
As of yesterday Dr.'s have given up and planned to take him off life support. As the nurses were repositioning his body to begin the process, he held his hand up telling them to stop.
His wife has been posting on facebook, and that was her last post yesterday, so thats all I know but it as of this moment.
It got me to thinking...
The idea of Sean dying felt like a punch in the gut. Being the same age and all just made it scary. Sean is still hanging on , and regardless of how this ends I admire his strength more than he will ever know.
I was thinking last night , about how Sean always had this infectious smile and laugh. I t was unmistakable:)..so as I sat there thinking about it, the tears came and came. My sons asked what was wrong, so I explained it to them. Esequiel struggled trying to figure out a way to make my pain go away. I explained that "offering condolences" to those we love is not about making their pain go away, but rather acknowledging their pain, and offering support BECAUSE of that pain..nothing takes it away, we just all huddle together, emotional, sometimes physically, till it hurts a little less, and less and less. Somedays it hurts more, and when those days come, we get a little closer than we were yesterday.
Then today , I saw on facebook that a friend that I went to high school with lost her Dad. I am going to be going the viewing tomorrow to support my friend.
Ive decided to take my son with me. He's never been to anything like this. Some people want to protect their children from death and the rituals we have of death. but what a horrible thing to do!..
Death is one of the things that we ALL deal with at some point, and I dont want Esequiel to have the first funeral he goes to be someone he really loves. because he didnt have any kind of healthy family life before us, he missed out on important social things..common rituals, like weddings and funerals.
The loss of someone we love can be so traumatic..so painful. The fear of seeing a body in a casket, for example, can be really scary.
Part of my focus in my graduate studies is child therapy and more specifically, childhood grief. I believe strongly that children should be included in conversations about death rather than being ushered out of the room when things get too real. Children can be very confused when adults use phrases like " passed away" or "gone to see Jesus". Children are very literal in their thinking, and as parents, I think, we have a desire to protect them. I also think, by doing so , we can deny our children some very important life lessons.
Talk to your children about death when the dog or goldfish die. Let them have funerals for their pets and most of all, allow them to cry and feel sad about the loss..yes, even the boys.
We can include conversations about our faith, whatever that may be, but it shouldn't over shadow or cancel out the mechanics of what is happening either.
Talk to your kids about death. It may not be the most pleasant thing to do , but there's no more important lesson we can teach them
Monday, March 14, 2011
In the air
Well, we are days away from insemination and Im thinking the best thing I can do right now for my own sanity is just put it out of my head lol. I am the kind of person who has the tendency to obsess over things I have no control over, sooooo lol All we are waiting for now is for Rhea's ovulation calculations to tell us what day (s) are going to be optimal. about a week and a half from now, roughly.
Luckily I have LOTS to distract me! lol As you all know , we recent;y received our non profit status for Noahs Arc inc. So the wild animal permits that we most recent;y applied for (we have to apply annually) are not under my name, but under the name of the organization. This past saturday we received our permit for the year which includes our new baby raccoon, our new baby fox and the baby skunk :)
Our permits allow us to have the animals, show then for educational purposes as well as breeding for the same reasons.
This past weekend was SO nice. We put up a wrought iron fence up around the pond and too the ducks from their winter enclosure and placed them in the pond again. OMG they were SO happy that one of the drakes (thats a male duck) started breeding with one of the females within minutes of having gotten into the water lol.
So, lots of "baby making" in the air :)
Hope this post finds you all well , and I truly appreciate your interest in my life, more than you know. At this tare, before too long we will be getting ready to buy some more land and gearing up for grant writing and bugging rich people for donations LOL..know any? lol
Donny
Luckily I have LOTS to distract me! lol As you all know , we recent;y received our non profit status for Noahs Arc inc. So the wild animal permits that we most recent;y applied for (we have to apply annually) are not under my name, but under the name of the organization. This past saturday we received our permit for the year which includes our new baby raccoon, our new baby fox and the baby skunk :)
Our permits allow us to have the animals, show then for educational purposes as well as breeding for the same reasons.
This past weekend was SO nice. We put up a wrought iron fence up around the pond and too the ducks from their winter enclosure and placed them in the pond again. OMG they were SO happy that one of the drakes (thats a male duck) started breeding with one of the females within minutes of having gotten into the water lol.
So, lots of "baby making" in the air :)
Hope this post finds you all well , and I truly appreciate your interest in my life, more than you know. At this tare, before too long we will be getting ready to buy some more land and gearing up for grant writing and bugging rich people for donations LOL..know any? lol
Donny
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Looking at the stars
Today we got the message we've been waiting on for the first step. Conception is in 14 days!!!!! I have a really good feeling about it! :)
Its all so overwhelming. I took a little cat nap today and had my first dream about her..about our little beautiful girl..omg she was amazing. So little and so very vulnerable....looking to me for her every need. The idea takes my breath away. Its amazing to me that this miracle can be so ordinary to so many people..this life changing thing that I feel so humbled and honored to be a part of. I dont know what I did to deserve this opportunity but oh my god thank you..from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Whatever or whomever is out there in the universe smiling on my family...
I dont know how to say this without sounding totally hokie and cheesy..lol..but the love that I feel, for this child, for Rhea, for this opportunity, is so big that it brings tears to my eyes as I write this. I know that something is out there bigger than me. Im not talking about a "God" necessarily, I like to think that our souls get recycled, that we keep coming back to learn things we didnt learn in the life pior, and as I think about that, I see how honored I am as a parent, to actually be the one who cares for this child as she enters this world..again. How honored I am to be chosen to care for this soul and be there as she learns what she's meant to learn. There's simply nothing more honorable than that, and the words that I know, do not begin to even come close to describing how much I appreciate being one of the Dad's to this child as she gets ready to walk this earth and be a part of something truly miraculous.
And then there is Rhea. again, I lack the words to express my gratitude, our gratitude. Even if we had millions of dollars to offer you, it still wouldn't be enough to compare to what you are giving us.
Rhea was actually dating someone that Stephen had known for years..since high school, when this all came about. Their relationship didn't work out for several reasons, but when I think about how our path was meant to cross hers and how the universe kept him in the picture just long enough for her to bond with us, to allow this opportunity to develop....I think it all happens for a reason. Im not bad mouthing William *at all*..but I do think that it is amazing to see how when he had fulfilled his purpose in this scenario, he bowed out ..for his own reasons, but it really is cosmic how things work if we just take a step back and pay attention..pay really close attention. Its not about us as individuals..its so so much bigger than that. I think its great to have self confidence but i also think that so many of us get caught up in our own egos that we become a bit self absorbed, so much so , that it becomes easy to lose sight of what is happening around us...that its so much bigger than that.
Its like looking up at the stars on a clear summer night and peeking at a tiny corner of the universe..makes you feel so small and humble.
Thats how i feel about this; like Im looking up at the stars as the universe chooses who is coming into our lives 9 months from now..who its meant to be.
Life is AMAZING and all we have to do is be the best kind of person we can be, be grateful and give back in any way we can.... I am and I do .
Thanks for stoping in, see ya soon :)
xox
Donny
Its all so overwhelming. I took a little cat nap today and had my first dream about her..about our little beautiful girl..omg she was amazing. So little and so very vulnerable....looking to me for her every need. The idea takes my breath away. Its amazing to me that this miracle can be so ordinary to so many people..this life changing thing that I feel so humbled and honored to be a part of. I dont know what I did to deserve this opportunity but oh my god thank you..from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Whatever or whomever is out there in the universe smiling on my family...
I dont know how to say this without sounding totally hokie and cheesy..lol..but the love that I feel, for this child, for Rhea, for this opportunity, is so big that it brings tears to my eyes as I write this. I know that something is out there bigger than me. Im not talking about a "God" necessarily, I like to think that our souls get recycled, that we keep coming back to learn things we didnt learn in the life pior, and as I think about that, I see how honored I am as a parent, to actually be the one who cares for this child as she enters this world..again. How honored I am to be chosen to care for this soul and be there as she learns what she's meant to learn. There's simply nothing more honorable than that, and the words that I know, do not begin to even come close to describing how much I appreciate being one of the Dad's to this child as she gets ready to walk this earth and be a part of something truly miraculous.
And then there is Rhea. again, I lack the words to express my gratitude, our gratitude. Even if we had millions of dollars to offer you, it still wouldn't be enough to compare to what you are giving us.
Rhea was actually dating someone that Stephen had known for years..since high school, when this all came about. Their relationship didn't work out for several reasons, but when I think about how our path was meant to cross hers and how the universe kept him in the picture just long enough for her to bond with us, to allow this opportunity to develop....I think it all happens for a reason. Im not bad mouthing William *at all*..but I do think that it is amazing to see how when he had fulfilled his purpose in this scenario, he bowed out ..for his own reasons, but it really is cosmic how things work if we just take a step back and pay attention..pay really close attention. Its not about us as individuals..its so so much bigger than that. I think its great to have self confidence but i also think that so many of us get caught up in our own egos that we become a bit self absorbed, so much so , that it becomes easy to lose sight of what is happening around us...that its so much bigger than that.
Its like looking up at the stars on a clear summer night and peeking at a tiny corner of the universe..makes you feel so small and humble.
Thats how i feel about this; like Im looking up at the stars as the universe chooses who is coming into our lives 9 months from now..who its meant to be.
Life is AMAZING and all we have to do is be the best kind of person we can be, be grateful and give back in any way we can.... I am and I do .
Thanks for stoping in, see ya soon :)
xox
Donny
Monday, March 7, 2011
Noah
One of the hardest things about wanting something and planning for it is the waiting for it. I know what I want..exactly what I want...and if I knew that I will have to wait X amount of time for XY and Z to happen, thatd be cool lol, but as we all know, thats not how life works :)
We have been planning this farm/animal sanctuary for a while now and a lot of it has been in the planning and talking stages. There has been much accomplished; we have a non profit status. We are now Noahs Arc Inc. :) we've applied for an educational permit which will allow us to take our animals into schools and give talks about the importance of preserving Ohio wildlife and the role these animals plays in our ecosystem.
As of now, we have a female red fox named Roseanne,and a female grey raccoon named Smokey. We have a male cinnamon raccoon and a male red fox coming in May and a skunk in June. All the animals are about 8 weeks old when we get them, some require bottle feeding. They come from an exotic animal breeder in Indiana. The all come from 20 generations or more of animals bred in captivity and have very docile characteristics. As tame as they are..they are, by instinct, still wild animals in many ways. I really respect that , and in doing so, one of the things Ive committed myslef to is that if im going to do this animal sanctuary based on conservation, i provide ALL my animals with environments as much like they would have in the wild, as necessary.
Because I can handle them in a way that animals actually from the wild couldn't be handled, it really gives me a great opportunity to provide some quality education.
We have a couple permits we have applied for, a class we're taking that will allow us to rehab orphaned wildlife, and of course the educational permit.
The last thing we have to get is our 501C3 status which will allow us to be tax exempt....AND THEN... we can start actively applying fro grants and seeking donations and fundraising, which we are hoping will all lead to the purchase of a nice peice of property for our horses and the whole..Arc! lol (you're seeing the theme here right? :))
I am also 6 classes away from finishing my masters degree in social work. I am planning on using our horses for therapy for traumatized children. I'll have my license to do family and child therapy and I cant think of ANYTHING Id rather do than spend my life helping the two most vulnerable groups around..children and animals. They have so much in common. They both are seriously affected by careless choices adults make, they both have a level of trust that once violated, can be almost impossible to duplicate, and they both can teach us a mich better way to look at the world..through their eyes, if we just stop long enough to look..
thanks for reading
Donny
We have been planning this farm/animal sanctuary for a while now and a lot of it has been in the planning and talking stages. There has been much accomplished; we have a non profit status. We are now Noahs Arc Inc. :) we've applied for an educational permit which will allow us to take our animals into schools and give talks about the importance of preserving Ohio wildlife and the role these animals plays in our ecosystem.
As of now, we have a female red fox named Roseanne,and a female grey raccoon named Smokey. We have a male cinnamon raccoon and a male red fox coming in May and a skunk in June. All the animals are about 8 weeks old when we get them, some require bottle feeding. They come from an exotic animal breeder in Indiana. The all come from 20 generations or more of animals bred in captivity and have very docile characteristics. As tame as they are..they are, by instinct, still wild animals in many ways. I really respect that , and in doing so, one of the things Ive committed myslef to is that if im going to do this animal sanctuary based on conservation, i provide ALL my animals with environments as much like they would have in the wild, as necessary.
Because I can handle them in a way that animals actually from the wild couldn't be handled, it really gives me a great opportunity to provide some quality education.
We have a couple permits we have applied for, a class we're taking that will allow us to rehab orphaned wildlife, and of course the educational permit.
The last thing we have to get is our 501C3 status which will allow us to be tax exempt....AND THEN... we can start actively applying fro grants and seeking donations and fundraising, which we are hoping will all lead to the purchase of a nice peice of property for our horses and the whole..Arc! lol (you're seeing the theme here right? :))
I am also 6 classes away from finishing my masters degree in social work. I am planning on using our horses for therapy for traumatized children. I'll have my license to do family and child therapy and I cant think of ANYTHING Id rather do than spend my life helping the two most vulnerable groups around..children and animals. They have so much in common. They both are seriously affected by careless choices adults make, they both have a level of trust that once violated, can be almost impossible to duplicate, and they both can teach us a mich better way to look at the world..through their eyes, if we just stop long enough to look..
thanks for reading
Donny
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Being Positive
Today I stopped and thought about aaaaall the time I have spent thinking " I can't.. or "I wish I could", or "Thats will never happen to me because..."
I wonder what happen if those sentences started out:
I can..
I will...
When this happens to me, I will....
I have recently been struggling to embrace this idea that every thought, every action, is well within our control, that we have full control over what kinds of future we have...what kind we *create*
Is it so hard to believe that maybe just being positive, thinking positively, and believing, really believing that our thoughts directly affect what our lives look like?
Go ahead. I dare you. Imagine yourslef being happy
Imagine yourself achieving your goals..not the ones that you "should" want , but the things that you really want. The ones that you fear deep down are unachievable. Do it.
I think about all the things I have accomplished ..the things that I am proud of. I did a lot of those things when people around me thought I couldn't/shouldn't. ..but I did exactly what I said I would, and Im just now learning how to get that mind set back. So, go ahead, BELIEVE YOU WILL ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS........I DO.
I wonder what happen if those sentences started out:
I can..
I will...
When this happens to me, I will....
I have recently been struggling to embrace this idea that every thought, every action, is well within our control, that we have full control over what kinds of future we have...what kind we *create*
Is it so hard to believe that maybe just being positive, thinking positively, and believing, really believing that our thoughts directly affect what our lives look like?
Go ahead. I dare you. Imagine yourslef being happy
Imagine yourself achieving your goals..not the ones that you "should" want , but the things that you really want. The ones that you fear deep down are unachievable. Do it.
I think about all the things I have accomplished ..the things that I am proud of. I did a lot of those things when people around me thought I couldn't/shouldn't. ..but I did exactly what I said I would, and Im just now learning how to get that mind set back. So, go ahead, BELIEVE YOU WILL ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS........I DO.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Cabin Fever
Im over due for a post, Ive been told, lol. Yes it is true:)
I love to write and am flattered by those who take an interest in my journey with all its twists and turns.
There are many thing Id like to change in my life.
Spring is right around the corner and I think with the two toddlers and two teens we are all getting on each others nerves a bit :)
With cabin fever setting in, I am imagining what yard work I want to do first! :) I LOVE yard work, planing flowers spending some quality time with our pet fox and raccoon, its the best!
Winter is really hard for me because it stifles all the way I nurture myself. So by the time spring rolls around, Im ready to ride my horse, walk the dogs and spend my entire pay check at LOWES lol..yep, thats summer for me!
For now, whats really kept me sane is a new found passion for art :) Ive always loved drawing and sketching but Ive recently developed a thing for mosaics! Im working on a peacock that is going to F'in ROCK! lol
Stephen and I are gearing up for our Pennsylvania trip in a few weeks to make a baby :) that still hasnt quite sunk in..such a bizarre thing to wrap my mind around. I feel like the universe is really smiling on me.
In the past few days I have had the most unexpected people cross my path. A gay man I met via facebook who also adopted as a single Dad, a girl I went to high school with, who never really had very kind words for me..lol, contact me and explain that she had grown up, was glad to have found me and admired what I had done with my life.
..and then I have been chatting with Rhea. My god..the things I have to be grateful for!! (For my new readers, Rhea is our surrogate and we are starting insemination mid march.)
So, so what if a bunch of my family cant see past their own dysfunction to be present in my life! Look at the great things I have right under my nose!
I have a partner who'd do anything in the world for me, kids who are thrilled when I read Green eggs and Ham, and two teenagers who may not always like to admit it , but who deep down think Im pretty cool :) lol
Now, lets bring on some warm weather so I can shed a few winter pounds! :)
I love to write and am flattered by those who take an interest in my journey with all its twists and turns.
There are many thing Id like to change in my life.
Spring is right around the corner and I think with the two toddlers and two teens we are all getting on each others nerves a bit :)
With cabin fever setting in, I am imagining what yard work I want to do first! :) I LOVE yard work, planing flowers spending some quality time with our pet fox and raccoon, its the best!
Winter is really hard for me because it stifles all the way I nurture myself. So by the time spring rolls around, Im ready to ride my horse, walk the dogs and spend my entire pay check at LOWES lol..yep, thats summer for me!
For now, whats really kept me sane is a new found passion for art :) Ive always loved drawing and sketching but Ive recently developed a thing for mosaics! Im working on a peacock that is going to F'in ROCK! lol
Stephen and I are gearing up for our Pennsylvania trip in a few weeks to make a baby :) that still hasnt quite sunk in..such a bizarre thing to wrap my mind around. I feel like the universe is really smiling on me.
In the past few days I have had the most unexpected people cross my path. A gay man I met via facebook who also adopted as a single Dad, a girl I went to high school with, who never really had very kind words for me..lol, contact me and explain that she had grown up, was glad to have found me and admired what I had done with my life.
..and then I have been chatting with Rhea. My god..the things I have to be grateful for!! (For my new readers, Rhea is our surrogate and we are starting insemination mid march.)
So, so what if a bunch of my family cant see past their own dysfunction to be present in my life! Look at the great things I have right under my nose!
I have a partner who'd do anything in the world for me, kids who are thrilled when I read Green eggs and Ham, and two teenagers who may not always like to admit it , but who deep down think Im pretty cool :) lol
Now, lets bring on some warm weather so I can shed a few winter pounds! :)
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