The Company is Nice

Its been a few months since I have posted anything here. One of the reasons is becasue Ive been so #@*%ing busy that my blogging has just taken a back seat to my four children, school and the non profit. The other reason is that I use this blog for therapeutic release and I refuse to post non sense. each time I share a post, I feel Ive shared a little peice of myself, and quite frankly..as of late, I have just felt like i havent had much of "me" to spare..until now :)
Hmmm where to start??..well Stephen and I finally legalized our adoption of our two youngest, Marcus and Juan.  Now known as Marcus Jon Marlow-Kelty and Juan Timothy Marlow-Kelty. :)
My graduate program is in full swing and I am looking at the end of the tunnel finally. Part of that is my internship at Hospice of Cincinnati.
This placement will heavily flavor what I have to say tonight..
When I share with people what I have chosen for my internship, I usually get "omg I could never do that" or " that must be so sad". I get that, but to me ,its so much more..I am rarely at a loss for words, but I find it near impossible to explain what value I place on this experience.
I cross people's path everyday, all kinds of people, with one thing in common; they have been given a terminal diagnosis. I guess, for me, its all about perspective. I think the most problematic is the mind set that we someone dies we 'lose them' . If that's the mind set I keep when I go to work, I could never do it..Id be 'losing' and grieving everyday.  I like to think of it more like I am helping someone come to terms with a fact that neither of us can change, so we make the best of it. Im not sure there are words that would adequately explain what its like to watch someone take their last breath, or to walk out of someones home knowing that I could very well be the last person they see.
Two of my clients died today. I was okay with it all day, and I still am. Im not sure why , but it feels good to know that I did what I was supposed to do.
I cried all the way home not because I was grieving the loss of those specific people necessarily, but more because it felt cleansing, like the tears were washing away all the residue left from the work it took to stay a little disconnected. "Disconnected" is not the right word, but it's the closest one I have. When I can think of a better word I will use it..
I'll tell ya what tho..something else that this has made me realize is that I have no REAL PROBLEMS. Not after what I see each day, my problems are luxury ones..every single one of 'em and I thank the universe everyday for that. I make my hugs last a few seconds longer than I used to, and try to get angry a little less.
I will write more in a couple of days about whats going on with Noahs Arc and other lighter stuff, I just really felt the need to process this a little so I can lay it down and walk away from it for the night.
Thank you for spending a little time in my head; the company is nice.;)