Something Light :)

Ok, so my first few posts have been pretty heavy, I know. Important stuff though, so I don't regret it.
For the sake of mixing things up a bit I thought Id take a few minutes and share with you a few times when my kids have said those things that just made me laugh so hard I wanted to pee my pants :)
Ya know those times when they just pop off with those one lines that you just could never have made up if you had tried?
ESEQUIEL
He had just turned 10 when I got him. The more I write about him the more you will see that this little Man (now 14) says *exactly* what's on his mind...always has and I have every reason to believe that he always will.
Well, I had him about three weeks and he starts asking about how babies are made. I thought, oh god! I didnt even think about "the talk" ...but like so much of what we have been through , I just rolled up my perverbial sleeves so to speak and said, Ok, have a seat and Ill explain it :)
He sat on the edge of his seat..taking it all in, hanging on my every word, and in turn, I explained *everything * i could think of, from erections, masturbation and the normalcy therein, and of course, conception. I did all of this in the most age appropriate way I could think of. I even drew little stick figures (one with an erection and one with a flacid penis, lol, he laughed so hard because I drew the stick man with the erection with a big smile on his face)
So i completed my speech and our conversation wnet something like this:
Esequiel: Ok, so these ..sperm things..theryre just wiggling around .."down there??!..EEeeewww!!
Me: Yes, well, sort of, your body makes more all the time
Esequiel: (composing himself and resigning himself to the fact that these things were "swiming around"in his testicles..LOL) Well, if it really only takes ONE sperm to fertilize that egg, and there really are millions, what happens to the rest of them?
Me: They die.
Esequiel: THEY JUST DIE??!!?? (...He was mortified and for some reason now felt some ownership of these little critters:)
We both laughed and then he says: WAIT JUST A MINUTE!! ( as if he'd caught me in some lie)
Youre gay. What do *YOU* know about vaginas!?
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ESEQUIEL
My welsh corgi was on the floor by the couch and I had dropped a sock, or something, I forget what it was now. and I was being silly. He was in no mood for it, which made me want to be all the sillier. He obviously thought I was THE most un-cool dorky Dad:)
Me: (droping the sock) Oh crap, I wish the dog would pick it up for me! Thats th eleats she could do after all I do for her!
Esequiel: (rolling his eyes) Dad, she doesnt have disposable thumbs! Duh! ..LOL
(but even he couldnt help but laugh once I explained his grammatical error:))
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EDDIE
Just today he kept talking about washing my "egg beaters" I was like Wtf is this kid talking about??
Eddie:, ya know! Those white tank tops!
Me: Oooooh you mean wife beaters?? LOL
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Marcus & Juan
Not long ago I kept hearing:
"Eddie is pinching our Nickles!!"
Me: what?
Marcus & Juan (holding their little hands over their nipples) Our Nickles!!!..LOL
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Eddie
Juan is 4 and doesnt always wipe as well as he should after pooping. Well, one day I was multi tasking and since Eddie can be so helpful and easy going, I said, Eddie honey, will you please go wipe his butt? lol
of course i get an eye roll and an ..ugh.Ooooook.
a moment later I hear Juan in the bathroom:
ocuh! Ouch! Ouch!
I go in..
Eddie! what the hell?..turns out Eddie wanted to do  real thourough job but hadnt cut his creepy fingernails in a Loooong time! LOL
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and lastly, I just melt everytime Juan and Marcus refer to Hide n seek as " Hide and Secret" lol