Some Background

This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time. Recently something has come into my life that has propelled me to share my thoughts. (I'll get to that) Ive always been a very opinionated person. I feel passionate about many things; some very controversial, some very traditional.
First a little background :
Im also a very forward person. I say *exactly* whats on my mind. Many people in my life respect it and others, not so much:) I will add, however, that although I don't like to edit myself, I also feel I am really good at being diplomatic. I'm not an ass, but I also don't sugar coat unnecessarily. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I get annoyed at wishy washy people or folks who are false or pretentious. NO time for that crap. Move on.
I'm gay, but I didn't feel the need to say that in the 1st paragraph because that is not what defines me. I am many things and my sexuality, while an essential part, is just that; a part.  I think its rather ironic that I am in fact gay, because , truth be told, I don't prefer a lot of gay company. I thrive on diversity and while the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) community is an important, i've yet to feel a part of it, and that's okay. This is a portion of much bigger conversation that I will elaborate on later, but I'll just say that gay rights are paramount to me. I struggle, however, with how most gay groups represent themselves. I think so much of what "we" do is counter productive to what we say we all want: equality. As I said, we'll get back to that one at a later time.
I am the father of four beautiful boys. Two, I adopted on my own 5 years ago ( now ages 16 ..Eddie and Esequiel ,14.) and two toddlers, ages 4 and 5, Marcus & Juan. My partner Stephen and I became foster parents last year. Our first placement was Marcus and Juan and we just couldnt let them go. They have become such a part of our family and the "Daddy I love you's"  "Can I have a hug/kiss?" (insert puppy dog eyes here:)) was a clear message to us that they belong right where they are..at home.
In the first paragraph I mentioned that something has happened that propelled me to start this process. I will paraphrase it with this: The one thing that has always brought me pain about adopting older kids is that I missed so much. I missed the first tooth, the first step, the first word. Even more troubling is the amount of trauma my children have experienced in these years where we were not together. Their lives would have looked very different had I been there from the beginning. Because of this, I have longed for an infant. I will never have kindergarten pictures of two teenagers. I cannot change the fact that my two younger children will spend their lives dealing with fetal alcohol issues. It hurts more than I can articulate, to hear my children's sentences that begin with "...when i was in fostercare."
Recently the universe has crossed our paths with a beautiful woman who has chosen to be a surrogate for us! We had much heart ache in our search to adopt a baby, met with enormous financial barriers (they may as well just say these babies are "for sale" ..its sickening)..but here is this woman, who has recently become a great friend and she wants to do this for us, using her own egg, simply because it's something she's always wanted to do. The words that I would need to describe our gratitude, excitement,  and amazement is quite honestly just beyond my grasp. I hope one day that she comes to know what joy, what love and what a tremendous selfless thing she is doing for us. We can never repay it. It's overwhelming and humbling.
All for now,
I hope you've enjoyed a sneak peek into my life and I hope you'll visit again soon :)
Donny