adoption journey

I'll admit that this entry is primarily for friends of Rhea , who know and care about her. I want you all to get to know my family and know that we are normal sane people.lol
There has been so much that has happened that has led me to where i am. It's important for me to share these things because I wish I had known then what I know now and if what Ive discovered can help others, then the trepidations are well worth it:) so id like to say a little bit about the path that led me here.

I was in a ten year relationship and living in San Francisco. It was a relationship that worked for a long time for many reason and like so many others, in 2005, reached a point where it just stop working. The main problem was that my biological clock was ticking so loud it was keeping me up at night. He had no interest in being tied down with children and thought I was crazy for wanting one of those self absorbed crying poop machines...but I did, more than anything :)
I think, in retrospect, that was one of the reasons I had such a difficult time coming out years prior; because in my heart, Ive always known I was going to be someones Dad. Like so many others, I thought that being gay would prevent that.

I packed up a uhaul trailer, loaded up my two welsh corgis, Luna and Sol and through my tears, my fears and my determination and I moved back home to Ohio.  I wanted to adopt and had made up my mind that I didnt need a man to complete me, so I set my mind to do it alone. and I did. All I asked for was the support of my family.

I really wanted a new born. I got connected with a local adoption agency and started the process soon after I got a job and bought a house, which amazingly happened relatively quickly all things considered. Getting settled and lending some thought to my life, I soon realized that I couldnt meet the needs of a newborn.

The adoption agency was not discriminatory but I did realize that no one is handing out newborns to single gay men either.  I filled out surveys outlining what kind of child i wanted and what kind i didnt. That was awkward enough to fill out but didn't compare to the horrible task of searching through online profiles of available kids across the country. 9 months into my search (ironically, lol) I came across a little 9 year old Mexican boy named Esequiel (Ee-zee-key-ul) When i was in high school, and dreamt of having a son, this was actually a name i had picked out ! LOL..so of course the profile caught my eye. As I read on, I read past the ADD and I read past the behavior problems and the learning disabilities and dyslexia and saw that he was born in Phoenix Arizona at the exact same time that I lived there! We were even in the same county. He needed me and I needed him.
I notified and convinced the powers that be that I was supposed to be this boys father and two moths later I found myself on a plane to texas to pick up my son.
We spent a few days together and I quickly learned that we was really bonded with his foster brother, Eddie. They had lived in the same foster home for several years. The had each lost all their biological siblings and were all each other had..aaaaaand *that* is how I ended up adopting two mexican boys when I thought I was getting one:)
Years past and the boys and I learned more about being sons and father that any of us thought we would. Those years were hard on my own but i wouldnt trade them for anything.
I met Stephen while singing with the Columbus Gay mens chorus. We quickly saw we wanted all the same things, fell in love and ascended yet another hill on this rollercoster ride.

"Dad and Stephen" soon became "Dad and Papa".  McDonalds drive through soon became home cooked sit down meals around the table and the frantic scramblings of a single Dad trying to get things done soon became two parents balancing things out together..equally..together, and I smiled.

A bit later Stephen and i decided to become foster parents. We wanted to help other children find their forever families and be a part of that process of being a temporary family for kids who really need one. 

We got THE most adorable toddlers. Now, at this point, remember that we had only parented pre teens who were now teenagers. But much like parenting any child, we did what most people do, you hit the ground running, do the best you can and cross bridges as you get to them.
(please keep in mind that I am GROSSLY summarizing and editing many many years of detail, just to give you a little context lol)

The toddlers had no family and had bonded with us so much that..you guessed it, they asked us to adopt them lol
Im a graduate student in a social work program and ive had several years experience working as a case worker for children's services so I think that really helped us out.
Ok ok ok so lets get caught up tp current day..lol.. soooo
Through out this entire story, Stephen and I observed and come to realize that, yes we have 4 beautiful children who have overcome enormous obstacles and have flourished beyond anyone's predictions, yet a few things remain..no matter what we do
1. Our older kids actually remember the sexual abuse, physical abuse and neglect they suffered.
2. We will never have memories of any of our kids' firsts ( tooth, word, step)
3. Even the young ones will have life long consequences of their birthmother having used drugs and alcohol throughout her entire pregnancies.
4. All our children suffered, and by some bizzare cosmic logic, only were able to be OUR children AFTER they suffered at someone elses hand. They paid a very high price, and we, as parents misse dout on soooo much of their lives.
We want this one last opportunity to experience the miracle of a child from that very first day. That first time they look into your eyes and you tell them that you will never ever let anything bad happen to them and you'll love them forever and ever.
We can shower our children with all the love and opportunities in the world and we can NEVER changed whats happened to them. It kills me.
We prayed for a chance to start from day one, and then we met Rhea.
God bless you Rhea.
xo